Triggered Much? Yeah, Me Too.

Why it’s not always about them, and what I’m learning when I’m lit up inside.

I’ve been doing some deep work over the last few years—shadow work, inner child healing, all that tender, messy stuff that no one really teaches us how to do but that seems to matter more than ever.  (If you’re not familiar with shadow/inner child healing, I’ll do another story on that.)

And one thing I keep circling back to is this:

When I get triggered—when something lights me up, makes me want to react, defend, blame, or bolt—it usually has more to do with me than with whatever (or whoever) sparked it.

Now, let me be clear:  I’m not saying people don’t do harmful or thoughtless things. Even evil things. They absolutely do.  But I’ve come to understand that the size of my reaction? That’s information.

And for me, it’s often an invitation:
👉 What’s still wounded in me that this is touching?
👉 What old story just got activated?
👉 Where have I not fully healed, integrated, or even acknowledged something inside me?

That reframe is a game changer.

Because it moves me out of victim energy and into a space of self-awareness—which is way more empowering. It helps me be less reactive and more curious. And it softens me… even toward people who trigger the hell out of me.

But let’s be honest:    This isn’t easy work.   It’s so much easier to say, “They made me mad,” or “She’s toxic,” or “He’s always like that.”  It’s so much easier to project and blame than to reflect.

It’s not the norm to pause and ask "what part of me is being poked right now"?
It’s not the norm to slow down and trace the reaction back to the root.

But maybe it should be.  Because when we don’t do that work, we often stay stuck and remain in the same loops—different faces, same patterns.   And we wonder why we feel exhausted, misunderstood, or disconnected.

So no, this isn’t about blame.  And trust me, we are wired to blame.  

But what happens when we are willing to say: “Wow, that hit something in me. What is that about?”   And then actually listening for the answer. 

The goal of inner work isn’t to become numb. It’s not to float above real issues in some kind of detached spiritual bypass. The goal is discernment. It’s to know the difference between:

A trigger that’s echoing an old wound that wants healing
vs.
A trigger that’s alerting us to present-day issues that requires action

In today’s world—where there’s no shortage of trauma, outrage, and polarizing rhetoric—it’s more important than ever to get clear on why we’re reacting. Is it fear? Grief? An unresolved personal wound? Or is it righteous anger? An ethical boundary being crossed?

I would agree that some triggers are justified maybe even sacred.  They call us to rise, speak out, take a stand.   But even then, it’s still worth asking: How do I want to show up in this moment? What response aligns with who I am and what I believe?

I’m not aiming for a life with no triggers.  But I am working toward a life where I know what to do with them. Because reclaiming our power doesn’t mean never being triggered.   It means being conscious when we are.