Lost in a Dream

Dear one-who-feels-lost-at-times:

I know I dream. I just almost never remember them.

Sometimes I wake up with a ghost of a feeling—an emotional trace lingering at the edge of consciousness, slipping away the moment I try to catch it. Others tell me about their dreams in vivid, cinematic detail: full technicolor, crisp dialogue, exact clothing, surreal plotlines. It stuns me. I listen, fascinated, but I can’t relate. It’s like they’re streaming a high-def movie, and I’m stuck with faded images, static and background noise and loss of memory.

Still, there’s one kind of dream I do remember. It’s a recurring dream that shows up in different storylines.

These dreams are not dramatic, not filled with symbols—just this feeling. I’m lost. Disoriented. Like the ground has shifted and my internal compass is spinning. I’m trying to find my way through some place I should know—a school, a city, a shopping center. Or on a plane but I don't know where I'm going or even where I'm originating from.

In these dreams, nothing lines up. Doors don’t lead where they should. People can’t help. I keep walking, keep asking, keep searching… and end up more turned around than before.  Sometimes I see people I recognize but mostly it's faces that I do not know.  My legs often feel heavy, like I’m wading through mud.  Or I'm just exhausted from all the walking/running.  Everything is unfamiliar.

I had a version of that dream recently—same lost feeling, same anxiety.  Same panic. I woke up tense, unsettled. But this time instead of jumping out of bed and brushing it off, I stayed with it. I sat in that space—not trying to fix it, just… witnessing.

And what surfaced surprised me.  Maybe I’m not lost in the dream.  Maybe I'm being re-oriented.   This was a message that came through that I continue to process:  

You’re not going in circles—you’re being recalibrated to a frequency your old compass couldn’t find.

Maybe this isn’t about finding a map and finding my way 'out' of something. Maybe I am the map. Maybe the new direction I’m looking for is being formed in real time, every time I choose to stay in integrity instead of shrinking, every time I listen deeper instead of reacting fast.

So, to the version of me still wandering the hallways, trying the find the right door, the right path, the way out.....

I see you. You're not lost. You haven't failed. You're in the middle of something holy, even it doesn't seem like it yet.

And when it’s time, the path will show up under your feet. One step at a time.

______________________

If you find yourself dreaming uncomfortable dreams, keep walking in truth.

Your feet know the way, even when your mind doesn’t.

___________

With love always,

Deb